PTSD nightmares 2011 - 2011

Aug. 22, 2021

It's usually the same theme. I'm carrying my kids and they keep slipping out from my grip. Last night it was like they were balloons that kept deflating into thin air. 

Oct. 19, 2021

The pedophile who abused my oldest son then reported me in revenge after my son told me about the abuse won't go away. This pedophile lives in my head at night terrorizing me. He put a huge fat nightcrawler inside my prescription bottle. It was really vivid and horrible. I guess I need to take my Prazosin later at night so it will last until 7am when I wake up. I think it wears off about 4am and the nightmares begin. Prazosin is prescribed for nightmares.

I want this pedophile out of my head and in prison. He's been holding my child prisoner and brainwashing him for 11 years now. When I think about it air gets trapped in my heart. I feel a heavy weight on my chest and I can't breathe. It's like someone put a 25lb weight plate over my chest and a plastic bag over my head.

Another nightmare of stabbing Dan, the pedophile in the heart with a steak knife but he keeps coming back with his creepy childish adult condescending smirk and laugh. I fight him to the ground and I know I can't stab him in the back because I'll be the one arrested so I grab a beautiful blue and white antique butter dish. I take the bottom part and smash it across his head, slicing it. It went on and on and on and. I woke up screaming. Gabe said I must have more nightmares than anyone in the world. I'm sure people have it worse but this is what pedophiles do to people. The Prazosin does help because nightmares are less often and less vivid.

3 nights later I woke up screaming bloody murder in fear. Dead people trying to kill me and kidnapped in a car by a psycho on drugs torturing me. It was a bad night, but those nightmares aren't real so even though they're terrifying they're better than nightmares about the pedophiles who abused me - Dan, my parents, anything is better than nightmares about  my kids disappearing because those are real and truly horrifying.

2021 

The nightmare was really just gross this morning. Dan just kept breaking into a new apt I moved into. I told him he could come in if he would give me Rider's phone number and he wouldn't. I kept beating him up (Very violently) . Every time he broke in I beat him more and more until he was bloody. He was half naked. I pushed him down the stairs. After what seemed like hours of trying to beat Dan to death my big black pet bear attacked him, but Dan ended up eating a big bloody chunk out of my pet bear and forced his way in. 

Some nights in trying to shoot him but my the gun is wet and my finger keeps slipping off the trigger. Other nights I get my kids but I'm too weak to carry them. My legs keep giving out. I hate the drowning ones when they just dissapeari into the dark water and I can't get them.