my heart's been ripped out

      I just have to push through. I have to go on and know that the future will be better. My oldest son turned 21 and not seeing him was the hardest most hurtful day ever. Every birthday has been hard. Every holiday just sadness. On the positive, he will grow and his brain will develop more into an adult. Then he will know the truth. The truth always comes out in the end. Right? Since he's been gone here has not been one day that I don't feel like my heart has been ripped out.